Jackass Tests Their Basic Culinary Skills (and Destroy Our Set)

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville

and this is the Epicurious Culinary Challenge.

[Narrator] The cast of Jackass: Best and Last

will be competing in challenges

testing basic culinary skills.

[upbeat music]

One by one, they will be eliminated.

Who will be the last one standing?

[upbeat music]

Fruit!

You are a handy juicer, using only your hands,

pick from an assortment of fruit

and squeeze as much juice as possible.

Some fruit have more juice than others.

Choose wisely.

Choose wisely.

[Narrator] You have one minute.

[juice sloshes]

Players with the least amount of juice

[buzzer rings]

are eliminated.

Bummer.

[Narrator] Oh, and also you must eat

a pepper before this round.

Choose wisely.

Ready?

Yes?

Yeah, I don't know what I just grabbed.

Red's probably not terrific.

[beep].

Dave's is- Oh my God, this is hell.

[peppers crunch]

I am fine.

Who got the [beep] one?

This one's really spi...are they supposed to be-

[Preston coughs] [Johnny laughs]

Oh, [beep].

Oh, mother [beep].

[Producer] Does anyone need milk?

[Johnny laughs]

[Preston coughs]

I could use some.

[Preston retches]

If you're going to puke, puke on Ehren.

This is like, really, this is really spicy.

[Jasper] Does anyone know what mine was?

I feel like Preston got the spiciest.

[Preston retches]

No, he's fine, just give him a second.

Oh, it won't go away.

[cast laughs]

Does anyone wanna put one up their butt?

Yeah.

Bring a habanero please. [suspenseful music]

[Narrator] Per the request of Epicurious legal counsel,

high level executives and general holders of good taste,

we are unable to show you

this intimate habanero moment with Poopies.

But it did sound like this.

Oh.

Oh my gosh, that is hot.

[Johnny laughs]

[countdown beeps]

All right, here we go.

[suspenseful music]

Wait, you, you don't have one?

No, that's yours, that's yours.

Oh. Yeah.

Geez.

That pineapple is like- Sorry, Poopies.

[Poopies] Oh, you're fine.

God, this apple is just like a [beep],

that's not happening.

Oh, man, I like squeezing grapes.

Actually, it's kind of fun.

I like squeezing grapes, too.

Oh, God! Sorry.

[Chris] Your buffer didn't work.

Oh, geez. You were the buffer?

Look at his hand print, right on my [beep].

[Johnny laughs]

Look at it, look at that, just perfectly.

[Ehren] Dave, I think we're supposed to

only get the juice.

[Johnny laughs]

I think they're gonna strain it.

[bell dings]

Oh.

This one's fun to squeeze.

How's the old b-hole?

Oh, [groans].

But he has to handle it after his gross butt.

Well, I didn't touch it, Zach did.

[Chris] Oh, okay.

That's a fair point. Yeah.

Wow, Poopies actually did do an excellent job.

He may have won this round. Wow.

I have 2.4 ounces of juice.

Wow, Jasper, look at that.

Called me Mr. Juice back in the day.

I got 6.2.

6.2?

How could he have 2.4 and you have 6.2?

It say 6.2, what do you want me to do?

You're reading it upside down.

Can we get an official ruling from someone?

Oh, 2.9.

It was upside down. Oh my God.

Jesus.

Go, Zach.

Ooh. 2.1.

Hey, hey, hey! Cheater, cheater!

Now I'm thinking, is that legal, is that legal?

Is that legal? I'm just pressing down

I'm not squeezing.

Bull [beep], bull [beep].

[Zach] Okay, I have 2.3.

That's no good.

2.4

To the camera, please.

2.4.

[cast laughs]

2.4.

Chris has got a lot of fruit in there

he's using as backup.

I got distracted while squeezing.

1.7. [cast laughs]

Oh, I am a loser.

I mean, You're not a loser.

I didn't do as good as some of the others.

[Johnny] You didn't want to advance.

[Ehren] 1.3.

[cast laughs]

[Cast Member] Oh, my God.

Look how much juice Preston has.

What the hell? Whoa.

Wow, way to go, Preston.

I think he's in the lead. 3.6 ounces.

How much? God damn, he's good.

[cast cheers]

And that's how you cheat.

That's how you cheat.

How you cheat, how you cheat.

Oh my God. Cheated, you can't cheat.

I can't believe it.

Who do I talk to about this? Automatic DQ.

Oh, yeah, [beep].

[Johnny] Oh, I think it's looking good.

2.5.

2.5, this is...

[upbeat music]

[scores chime]

Oh, come on!

[bouncy, playful music]

My name is Preston and I got disqualified for cheating.

He cheated, he used milk, it wasn't real.

I lost because I only got 1.3.

[taser zaps]

Oh Jesus, all right.

[Chris] Gosh, darn it, I wish you would've-

[crosstalk]

[upbeat music]

[Narrator] Aw, nuts.

You are a nut crusher.

You have two minutes to crack open

and shell as many nuts as possible.

The two players with the least amount

of shelled whole nuts will be eliminated.

Ready?

Do you want me to put my nuts on the table?

No, no, no, no, no.

It's not that kind of party, Poopies.

Put your finger under here.

Ah, [beep]!

[cast laughs] [countdown beeps]

[hammer bangs] [nuts clatter]

[fast paced music]

[cast laughs]

[Cast Member] Dave's doing pretty good.

[crosstalk]

[hammer bangs] [nuts clatter]

Oh, my pistachios.

Oh! Sorry, sorry.

[beep], I missed.

[cast laughs]

Where the [beep] did your plate go?

I don't know.

Don't even bother with almonds.

Don't hate, appreciate. Wow.

Looks like we clearly don't have a winner.

[Cast Member] There was a little something else going on.

[cast laughs]

I have one peanut, one pistachio nut,

and three nuts.

Where'd the middle part go? Poopies, spell pistachio.

P-I-S-T-O-C-C-I-A. Pistachio.

Pretty good.

Did I get that? Did I get that?

Oh, yeah, Poopies, you always get it.

You did great. Wow.

[Johnny laughs]

We got a lot of turbulence on the way,

but I got I think two nuts.

[Producer] You got one.

What about this one?

[Producer] You have to shell it.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Sorry.

Don't step on it! That's all I had.

This is my nuts.

That's technically not even a full one.

How sad. Don't be so sad, Zach.

This one's, ow! Sorry.

This one's only a half.

[Producer] I'm gonna give you one.

Okay, thank you.

That was nice.

Yay, Zach.

This would take me to three quarters nuts.

[tin clangs]

Wow, they're attacking me.

This is what I have.

I have one nut.

Just like Dave, he's got one nut.

Wow, Poopies, nice.

Ah! I got a hazelnut.

I got a peanut.

Call these things? A pistachio.

Show 'em that other little hazelnut you got.

Yeah. Just kidding.

Damn it. Five full nuts, Dave.

Six whole nuts, really.

[cast applauds]

[fast paced music] [scores chime]

I had like a third of a nut, to be honest.

I didn't have a full nut.

What were we doing, dude?

I don't know.

[bouncy, playful music]

I brought the nuts that I had

and it wasn't a lot, it wasn't enough.

No, no it wasn't.

Well, I'm pretty sore at Zach for interfering with my game.

I'm crestfallen.

What more can be said?

Good job, guys, good job, though.

[cast applauds]

[suspenseful music]

[Narrator] Bubbly.

You are a bubbly stacker.

Put your party goggles on,

pop the bubbly, pour the glasses,

and stack them high on the server tray.

One person must hold the tray steady

while you work together to build a pyramid.

Eliminated players will try to stop you as best they can.

Team with the highest tower

and most filled glasses moves on.

The others are eliminated.

Ready?

Question, can I stack then pour from the top

and let it come down like a waterfall?

[Producer] Actually, that would make it too easy.

We had to make it harder for you guys.

Okay, I'm just asking, just asking.

[Producer] You guys can choose your teams.

Two and two.

[suspenseful music]

[Cast Member] Yeah, old school versus new school.

Here we go, come on, Poops.

Jasper was like, anybody?

[cast laughs]

Nah, we got this, brother.

[suspenseful music]

Oh, my God.

Whoa, dude. Here's my strategy.

[countdown beeps]

Let's go. Ready to go, guys.

Well, I'm going, I'm calling Dave

and Chico Fiesto on this one.

Pop that bottle. Whoa, yeah.

Watch out, guys. We're there, we're there,

pour, pour, pour, pour, pour.

[Ehren] They're already pouring.

They already got one. Stop, is that filled enough?

[Ehren] Dave.

[cork pops]

Oh! Aw, man!

They've already got one. Come on, Poopies.

Okay, wait. We need more bottles, right?

Ma'am, you should duck.

Poopies, Poopies, hey.

Oh, [beep].

Come on, we got this.

We're looking real good.

[cast members yell] [cast laughs]

No, stop, stop, that's cheating.

[Jasper] You guys are haters.

[Poopies yells]

Sorry, sorry. It always works so well.

Jasper's almost, he's got three of them.

[air horn blasts] [Jasper yells]

Come on, Poopies. Why won't that one pop?

[Ehren] Jasper you got three of them.

[Dave] They're stacking, they're stacking.

[Ehren] Gotta start stacking.

You gotta start stacking.

[Johnny] What are you doing, Poopies?

[Jasper imitates sneeze] [air horn blasts]

Go, you better stack it.

No winners in this game.

Fast, fast, just go, go.

[Dave] I don't know if I'm allowed to stack and hold.

[Chris] Oh, yeah, here, I'll hold it, I'll hold it.

Oh, Jasper had one.

[Jasper] I don't think any of them

have the drink in them anymore.

[Poopies] Wait, I gotta open this one.

They're gonna win, dude.

Focus.

Come on, Poopies. You got one, just get one.

[Jasper] Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Knock them down, knock his down.

You can't knock down, what you can't see,

You've got one.

Get one more.

[drink sprays]

[cast laughs]

Guys, you're really not playing fair.

[bell rings]

We won.

You saw that, we won. We won.

[Cast Member] What the [beep].

Okay, judge's decision.

[suspenseful music]

Yay.

That's bull [beep].

Old guys rule! Yay!

Old guys! Old guys rule!

[Johnny] Who had the last standing glass?

[Jasper] They did.

[playful, bouncy music]

Well, me and my buddy Poopies

was ripping the competition 'til some haters came

and decided to knock down my four glass stack.

I was working on my fifth one, fifth one.

Yeah, we got, you know.

Well said, well spoken, BG.

[cast applauds]

[Cast Member] So eloquent.

I'm keeping these glasses, though.

[upbeat music]

[Narrator] Sushi.

You are a sushi master.

Eliminated players will line a body with sushi.

That looks just like Zach.

Yeah you gotta kind of lay there

with your mouth agape, Zach.

[Narrator] When a sushi order is called,

Tuna.

[Narrator] The challengers will have to pick up

the correct sushi with their mouth.

Ooh, belly button sushi, the best.

[Narrator] First to three points

is dubbed the culinary battle champion.

Ready?

[playful, bouncy music]

You know, I felt like I used poor sportsmanship

and I'm going to give my position to one of you.

Which one wants it?

Rock, paper, scissors.

Well, I want it.

Okay, go for it.

Wait, let me make this easier for you.

Who's betting on this table?

I'm backing out of this [beep], too.

It's you two.

Turns out winning's not winning after all.

[Ehren] Just chaos, dude.

Oh, boy, there he goes.

[suspenseful music]

[Preston laughs]

[Johnny] You look cool, man.

Thanks. You really do.

[Jasper] Okay, where is it?

Hey Zach, you're making me harder than a folding chair.

[cast member laughs] [suspenseful music]

[cast applauds]

Yeah, Jasper, Poopies. Our finalists.

[countdown beeps]

[Producer] That's one, Jasper.

[chime rings]

Wait, I grabbed that one, that was salmon.

[Producer] He got it first.

[Jasper] You were slow, though.

Oh.

[suspenseful music]

[Jasper mumbling]

[buzzer rings]

[Jasper groans]

Get in there, get in there, get in there hard.

[chime rings]

[bottle cork pops] [Poopies yells]

Sorry.

Party!

[suspenseful music]

[Jasper] Tuna?

[Cast Member] He scared Zach the same way.

[buzzer rings]

No, it's not.

Which one's tuna?

Isn't it in the inside?

Those are not tuna. [chime rings]

[Producer] Poopies got tuna, Poopies got tuna.

[suspenseful music]

Shrimp tempura, I don't see no shrimp.

[Cast Member] Look underneath the rolls.

[taser zaps]

[Poopies yells]

[cast laughs]

[Cast Member] God Jesus.

[cast exclaims]

Oh, God. [chime rings]

[Producer] Yes, that's tempura.

That's not fair, he's in the good side,

switch sides, switch sides, switch sides.

[suspenseful music]

Hamachi.

On the other side, in his roll.

[Crew Member] [chime rings] Twelve zero.

[Jasper retches] [cast laughs]

[suspenseful music]

Poopies, yeah! [cast exclaims]

Yay, Poopies! Of course he is.

I never win anything, so I'm stoked.

[Johnny] Hey, help Zach off, champ.

Oh, no. Rolling off here.

[Zach] Good Lord!

[cast laughs]

[Cast Member] Easy way to do that.

Poopies, you're doing a terrible job at helping him up.

I'm trying, he's all oily.

Was it really necessary?

That's not winning with class.

Help him right here, Poopies, help him.

It's not.

I thought it would be the easiest way to get him down.

[lighthearted, bouncy music]

I got an extra round, but I feel like Poopies'

water world surf stuff and sushi just took over

and that's why he was able to get more sushi than me.

[Cast Member] Get ready for some raw wit.

[cast laughs]

I'm a big fan of Epicurious,

I'm a big fan of Epicurious and-

Spell it. Huh?

Spell Epicurious.

[playful music] E-P-I-C-U-R-I-O-S.

Wow, Poopies, good job.

Good job, you missed it again.

Damn it.

No way. Golden spatula.

[cast cheers]

Yeah, Poopies!

Stoked.

Real gold.

Thank you guys, thank you.

I'm honored to win 'cause I don't win anything.

So this is...

Oh, he's choked up.

This is great.

Did he get choked up?

I think so, yay.

Little bit Don't cry, Poops.

You did it, Poopies!

You did it. Okay, Poopies, good job.

[Chris] Good job.

[Producer] This camera first.

Great, all right.

[taser zaps]

[cast exclaims]

I [beep] hate that thing.